Texas and Trying

Hello!

It's been quite a while since I've written here, and I'm not sure why really but here it goes. I moved to Dallas, Texas about a month ago. I didn't have a job when I moved here, but I was in a rut in Kansas and wasn't having much luck there and since I was dating a girl from near Fort Worth and had some friends living down here already I decided that it would be great for me to move. I put myself in the place that I wanted to be so that I could let everything else fall into place with fewer obstacles. Needless to say, it hasn't gone exactly as I'd hoped.

It took a little while to find a job, and it really felt like the move was going to be a critical failure as bills came and I had run out of money looking and the relationship I had collapsed suddenly and unexpectedly. I didn't give up though, which is something I learned a lot about last year with my move to Ireland and getting my master's degree. I can fight through a lot of bad thoughts and runs of luck or circumstances, what have you. I didn't think I'd make it through that year during first semester. Sometimes school and/or life doesn't teach you academic things that you can "know", but you learn about yourself and the world. My friends are still here, and I really like the area that my apartment is in too. I even own 2 Texas Rangers t-shirts now...can't quite believe it.

I kept my head up and I ended up finding a job, which I was offered just in time to notice that I had literally no money left. It was a boost I needed pretty desperately around then. Today is the day that I start that new job, and I'm relieved and a little scared but mostly excited. I'll be working for a vacation company going to events like Dallas Mavericks games or Six Flags, etc. and working in their booths selling vacation packages and other things. Everyone I've met with the company is genuinely friendly so far and really enjoys their jobs, so I'm really looking forward to trying something new.

I used to be in the bad habit of thinking that if bad things were happening to me that I deserved them in some way, or that I must be unworthy and not good enough if good things passed me by. I would sometimes let people walk over me and treat me in ways that were unfair, or rude. I would get down, let them tell me things were my fault, and not hold people accountable. I learned that I can't be a ghost and let everything go through me, but to stand my ground and tell people when they're doing these things. I learned that I deserve a good job and that I'm entirely qualified; I also gained confidence every time I got an interview.

It's a cycle, like so many smart people say. If you let yourself be depressed, then you will be and once that happens you'll notice more things that are negative and even accept blame/guilt that isn't yours because it's easier to get down on yourself if you're a good person that's "been bad"; you'll ignore the positive things around you, and you may not notice how destructive you can be to the emotional well-being of those around you. I saw one of those pop challenges on social media, the #100happydays challenge. I've accepted it because even though I know what to do, it helps to have something physical there as a crutch to get you started. Basically, you write/take a picture of something that makes you happy every day for 100 days and it forces you to take the time to notice happiness.

I'm hoping that this helps me keep moving forward.