Hello everyone,
Since I haven't written in quite a while I'm having some trouble deciding exactly what to do with this. This blog was meant to be a sort of update mechanism on trips and my life in Ireland but I've failed in doing that over the last several months and in the meantime I've visited home and seen many of you that would normally read this. I'll write a short little play-by-play of what I was up to since the last post on March 30th and then I'll move on to current events.
April was extremely busy. My mom and step-dad visited me for 2 weeks in early April, and we took a trip to Belgium, the Netherlands, and Luxembourg which was incredible. I was able to try so many beers and see so many places that I've read about for the last few years. It was almost an overload of excitement. We also met a fellow K-State graduate while in Amsterdam (the commercials are right, Wildcats really are everywhere), which was pretty neat. I had to come back to Dublin and start working on all of my papers for school, while they went on to Paris before coming to Dublin for a few days here.
I had been trying to get an internship for the summer but did not have one by the deadline so I was preparing myself mentally (and failing) to write a thesis. Luckily, an internship arrived in late April with a human rights organization in Dublin and UCD approved me to work there in place. I'm not sure I've ever been so relieved. The rest of April and early May was spent locked away in my apartment researching and writing papers about free trade policy's effects on illicit drug cultivation, development of rural Peru, and the role of fraud in the European Union. All of my grades are back now and I'm happy with them for the amount of effort I put in. I'm not proud to say that I was so entirely burned out on the subject that I was questioning whether it was really what I wanted to do anymore and so put very little effort into those final papers. Dragging my lethargic brain across the finish line, not caring what happened with the grades or papers besides just handing them in.
I began working for the human rights organization as well, and it's been a great experience. It's a really long story, but I'm now working for a different organization (but working on similar projects; really just a brand change). I went home to Kansas for a couple of weeks in early June and even though people make fun of it a lot, I do miss it. I'm always so relieved when I get back to Wichita, see people that really love me, and I instantly relax in a way I never do in Ireland
While here, I come off more homesick than I am because I'm always trying to sell Kansas to people that know nothing about it. Either that or it comes up because I'm relating my past experiences I've had to what we're talking about. I love where I'm from, but I'm always looking for new places to go.
The weather in Ireland over the summer has been absolutely beautiful. It's been warm and sunny most days. It's hard to dislike Dublin when the weather is like it has been. I've spent as much time as I can wandering around the city and hanging out in gardens or on patios at pubs.
The odd thing is that I feel like I'm desperately grabbing for my center right now. Time is running out and I desperately need to have an aha! moment soon. I'm hoping that maybe the weekend trip to Cardiff in Wales will provide this. It's been quite a while since I've been this excited for a trip. I'm making a pilgrimage to see my favorite soccer team, Cardiff City FC, play Chievo from Italy.
Anyway, it's hard to find that center in the place that I'm surrounded by work that I need to do. Much like my first trip to London when I found myself on a park bench on a beautiful day; just sitting, with nothing in my head except the picture in front of me. A pond, people walking by. It's those times when I feel anonymous for a moment that I break through all the tangles between my ears and see the world for its beauty, untainted by cynicism. With anonymity comes possibilities. On that bench I was no one, which meant that I could be anyone when I stood up again.
I need to do this so I can figure out what to do in August. My current lease in Dublin ends the same day
that my work for UCD is due. I've applied to jobs in several places but don't
have any interviews yet, so I'm left with sort of a blank future and some decisions to make concerning where to go and what to do in the meantime.
It will all come together soon enough.
Edwords
