Hello everyone,
I'll be honest: I'm writing this post in part to waste some minutes before going home.
It's been incredibly relaxing to have all those essays finished. I had no idea how run down I'd gotten, how I hadn't really been sleeping, only lying there with my eyes closed. My mind has been busy, and it needed some down time. I'm always pretty relaxed about papers because I know how I get if I'm stressed so I work extra diligently to prevent that from happening (even though it's in those pressure moments that I seem to create my best work). I probably work harder making myself not relax than I do on the papers themselves.
Everyone needs to have time to unwind. It's a travesty that time gets the lowest priority in the world. The last few days have been great for me. I've gotten to sit down and watch some movies I haven't seen in a long time, and last night a few friends and I went to a pub in the city centre to watch some NFL.
Most of all, I've had some time to let my mind wander freely. The way I've lived, my ideas and things I believe in, have come under a lot of pressure this semester. I've had to learn, I've had to adjust, I had to grow and sometimes even change. Luckily I've had some friends that have been selfless while I've been selfish getting myself back on track.
I'm happy I'm able to go back to Kansas for a little while now. I arrived in Dublin in September with certain expectations and security. Those particular expectations and security are gone, but slowly (you know the process) my expectations of Dublin and my life here are changing, making it easier to live here. There are several people here though that I'm extremely happy for having met, and I have one semester done of my degree so, all in all, things are well I should say.
I've learned this semester that I don't want to have any regrets, to not pass up on an opportunity and if I want something then I should give myself every chance to have it. That's why coming to Ireland will never be a regret. I came here to give something I really wanted the chance it deserved; past that there's nothing I could do. Also, there is every reason for me to be here for International Relations. Where better to gain an understanding of and learn about other places than in those places? For years I've had a pretty good idea what I wanted to do but after so many classes I caught only glimpses of it. I was steered all over the place and bogged down. It's finally coming into view now. I have a great background of knowledge from all those classes that were tedious (and let's face it, killed my childish curiosity for the subject) but it has been amazing to finally see what I can do with what I know.
I've also learned that those things you wish you'd said, sometimes you get to say them. Most of those things, you stopped yourself from saying them because you shouldn't have said them. Lashing out and venting doesn't make you feel better. They're like a drug with short highs, damage, and regret. In the end, you're being hurtful and no matter how hurtful someone has been to you it is still wrong to hurt others.
My apologies, this has run a bit long. I'm mostly just waiting for my flight home these last few days and when I get my mind running it can be difficult to stop it. I forget that this is a one way conversation as well and I get a bit of a stream of consciousness thing going. I will see some of you in a few days for pizza and beer, and others I'll see throughout break at different times. Can't wait.
Edwords
